10 Things To Do When Parental Advice Falls On Deaf Ears

N.B. All opinions belong entirely to the writer and readers may take offense

Photo by Arwan Sutanto on Unsplash

1. Repeat the same instructions until he or she finally gets keeled over and cannot stand the nagging anymore.
2. Make a little corner in your apartment or house where he or she can face themselves and their biggest fears. Note that this ‘naughty corner’ is quite barbaric and may incite the stuff of their nightmares.
3. Use fear tactics on him or her e.g. You were actually found on our neighbor’s doorstep, a little stork carried you with its beak and we took you in, we bought you for $20 at a Farmers Market and other creative derivatives.
4. This one is for all those who never make their bed. Put on your best ‘lion’ impression and tell them that Bogeyman will steal all their most valuable items and that they will never get to see their classmates.
5. During or after mealtimes show them pictures of starving children to guilt them into finishing their food.
6. Compare them to their peers! Daily, weekly, monthly….
7. Make them write ten lines of I am sorry (preferably on eco-friendly paper)
8. Threaten to monitor them by placing a device on their wrist to track their exact location down to Cartesian coordinates.
9. Put them in an army-style boot-camp for as long as you legally can.
10. Throw them to the wind….or get those feather-dusters out and put them to good use!